just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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