Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
