apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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