I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
