life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
third nipple confirmed
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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