she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
