I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
