Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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