I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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