Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
