I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
