So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
