He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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