Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
