Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
