he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
