i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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