Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
