No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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