Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
