New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
