M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
