When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
her vagine was all disorganized.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
