While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
