It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
