Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Someone signed my nipple.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
