Porn is love you can see.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
