What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
that's an acceptable place to lick
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
