the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
