just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
