They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
