I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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