3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
