fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
