I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
