Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
