just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
