i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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