We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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