I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
