i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
