Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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