i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
