i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
