Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
