soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
