he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
