One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Someone came in the potted fern
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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