Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
