Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Even my vagina gasped.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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