It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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