God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
