It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
