He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
