So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
