I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
