He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
