i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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